birthdays

so today was steakbellies birthday. it used to be such a momentus occasion. one that he rightfully deserves!!!
i am BIG on birthdays, it 's the one day that you can celebrate yourself and not have to share with anyone.
You are either celebrated or not. i REALLY try to make sure that all the special people in my life are acknowledged on their birthday.
However, 5 years ago, the day after SB's birthday, my most admired friend/godmother of my first born, at the age of 46, died, literally in my arms, in her beautiful home a block from the beach. ( A home she got from her malpractice settlement for not identifying stage 3 breast cancer) , and Gosh darnit, every year I remember, and i am cranky and solemn.
I rejoice and celebrate for SB, he is my most favorite person in the world!! However, I can't help but remember asking him to drive us (me and godmother) from the hospital so that she could die in front of her chrstmas tree, on his birthday 5 years ago. (I was her custodial something or other)
He of course, in his sensative steakbellie fashion, agreed. That night, in front of the tree I held her in my arms in a hospital bed (we wheeled had wheeled into her living room), at 5:20 am and watched her grasp for her last breath. i encouraged her to let go and told her it was better where she was going. I was angry and wanted to encourage her to fight but I knew it was to late. She needed peace.
It was just the 2 of us. At 6:00 am I called SB, "She's gone", I said. He made it from Pa to the beach in NJ in less that an hour andthrew shells into the ocean with me. As always, by my side.
I love you SB- Happiest of all birthdays- cheers to many more.